BASICALLY THIS IS WHY MY HEART HURTS RN

January 31, 2018

I get the feeling that a majority of the people on planet earth wake up thinking the day is ruined already. even tho the sun is shining and the sky blue. that they aren't supposed to be here.
that they aren't loved. (do you feel this way?)

it always makes me ache to hear the words of disdain spoken about someone else..but when they say the words about themself. oh man. that's when I panic. bc how are you supposed to remind a human being that they were created by God filled with radical love? but worst yet, how can you describe that radical love when they don't even know a taste of it?

bc I'm realizing that a lot of souls are empty of love and held by a prison of pain.

and in that sea of emotion, I'm lost. not completely, but turned around enough to the point of wondering what I can do in the vast scheme of life...to help others see. I feel small. like a shadow of what I want to be. the questions keep raging on. they keep flowing. and I keep wondering

what am i supposed to do? 
+ what do you do?

(just know this. i don't give up easy)

JAN 2018 MONTHLY POST WRAP UP THINGY

January 27, 2018
^^^^ SNEAK PEEK TO MY BEDROOM TOUR (tbh it's the only part of my room that is sorta clean so?.....) 

me talking with my mom "yeah..ikr tries not to think about it"
my mom "did you just do one of those blogging things?" (she means speaking in asterisk)
me "uh. Yeah. *breaks into laughter*"

legit spent two days thinking The Greatest Showman was The Greatest Snowman. Even I'm confused with myself sometimes
me : 


-family "HAPPY NEW YEAR"
*15 mins later*
- me *stubs toe* "ow!"
- family "great start to 2018 Julia"

so you know it's cold out when you just leave the ice cream on the porch

decision made

- little sis " can I have the other half of our candy cane that you're never going to eat?"

bro - "did you know it's bad luck to eat a banana on the boat when you're fishing?"

ALSO LOOK WHAT I DID so mad I didn't hit 7 miles tho legit



little sis *is eating popsicle*
"Mm I love blueberry"
Me: "that's grape"
little sis: "mm I love grape"

dude I've read 311 books in 3 years


I couldn't fall asleep until 4:30 am one night..fun. Not.

went to the movie with friends and there was this lady who legit was like "ohhh!" And "now what?" And then "awww" and legit. Legit. Legit. It was okay bc literally it was everything we were thinking. LOL

me *gives Sarah ice cream with plastic spoon*
Sarah *two minutes later comes in kitchen with broken spoon*
me " you're savage"

reason 1030592094851784 why amazon is awesome


took a princess bride which character test are you thing. I got buttercup and my older sister got miracle max LOL sarah got Westley

- little sis "it would be cool if we could have a dinosaur pet"
- me


me "bro! Your hair!"
little bro "that little piece is being grumpy."h

DUDE. @soleil bought my poetry book and now her sister is reading it. I'M DYING *sobs*



I love my town


me " I think my hair is getting longer finally"
my mom *looks at sunset* "it's really beautiful."
me "thanks mom!!"
her " lol"

i worked 5 days a week this entire month. it was basically awesome...except when I got SUPER SICK and had to call in for basically a week.... (including a weekend in there) but like. I LOVE MY JOB 

@sarahmargaret is a bully


went to chick-fil-a for the 2nd time in my life and GUYS. it was packed. ( in case you were wondering I got waffles fries and a shake ) 

so I got a new laptop this week. I'm going to flail here a second so watch out IT HAS WORD LIKE LEGIT MICROSOFT WORD I. AM. SO. EXCITED. 



--------------------------------------------

so it actually feels like it took forever + 1/2 for January to be over......I'm hardcore waiting for spring. xD But tbh I LOVED THIS MONTH. perhaps since it's snowed and then said snow has melted 4 times but hahahaaa not sure. I've got some HOPEFUL ideas coming up for February in creativity world. Can't wait to see what comes. 

keep smiling ( i think this is my new saying. thoughts?) 

name 2 unplanned adventures you had? 
an LOL moment that happened to you ??? 

HOW THE LITTLE THINGS REALLY AREN'T LITTLE AT ALL

January 24, 2018

I posted one of my essayish poems on my poetry blog last week. basically in it, I was talking about how we have become an entitled people...

en·ti·tled
inˈtīdld,enˈtīdld/
adjective
  1. believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment.



bc I know how it works for myself. I forget that that second that I just lived was a gift. I forget that waking up again was a miracle and that WOW YES THE SUN DID RISE TODAY.

one of you lovely humans commented on my poem and made me see something I hadn't seen before. Skylar Reese said "what a great reminder for HOW MUCH we are blessed" to which I replied "ikr! also how we think the little things are little when they are BIIGGGG"

and lol I didn't even pre-think this. I just typed it. and then I was like

WAIT  



the earth is huge. the sky is. the oceans and seas are. trees + wind = strength. water has power none of us even know. it's just that I hear people say "let's stop and notice the little things". for some reason I have always thought of flowers and ants and lying down to watch the clouds disappear in the sky. idk. is that just me?

Days are gifts. I'm starting to realize that more and more. I just wanna spend them truly full.
so I ......................


  • bake. bake. bake. IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY FOLKS 
  • laugh all day every day 
  • read allllllllllllll the books + find books for my little siblings to read. GUYS THEY ARE ALL READING NOW AND ITS LIKE MAKING THE LIBRARIAN IN ME SO HAPPY
  • listen to loud music and sing at the top of my lungs bc 20 minute drive to and from work every day means lots of music 
  • goof off with my family. plan adventures with friends. eat healthy. try new things. write. 

But these things can't be the little things bc WOWWWW they seem awful big and important to me. As I've grown and changed these past few months, I'm starting to notice how quickly my daily life could change. 

btw the recipe for that bread in the picture is HERE. you will not be sorry you made it. 

also smile. even if it isn't for you. even if you feel like you can't, I promise, smiles change the world.  

I'd love to know what things aren't little to you.........
what makes you smile????????

ABOUT SAYING NO cuz hello that's really important too ya know

January 17, 2018

I've been thinking about this one for a long time. BC LOL I'M ONE OF THOSE OVERACHIEVING HUMANS. In fact I used to be more than I am now. I think I might have finally realized that I couldn't do everything that I wanted to commit to. so here I am...talking about saying NO. bc DUDE ITS SUPER IMPORTANT TO DO THAT.

during high school, I was determined to get good grades + do a lot of extra stuff..in school, the blogging world, write a novel, for the magazine I was apart of, holidays, etc. LIKE I LEGIT DID IT AND YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS?????

S T R E S S E D 


like unbelievably so. It was intense. All I wanted to do was do the things right AND enjoy them. but legit that didn't happen bc I was trying to keep my head above the water. Instead I was struggling to keep up with the deadlines, wishing that I hadn't said "yes" to, and failing to enjoy anything at all. it became a pattern and finally I decided NOPE I JUST CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.


  • I quit writing for the magazine. 
  • I haven't done any guest posting in the blogging world for a loooong time.
  • I paused writing my novel for the time (which I have since finished)

+ focused on the iMPORTANT stuff. like


  • spending time with my family + friends 
  • ending my novel the way I would like for the long run and not rushing it
  • not over committing to the point of drowning 

BASICALLY I HAD TO PUT MY FOOT DOWN AND TELL MYSELF NO MORE. it wasn't easy and it legit wasn't an over night thing I achieved. Mainly bc there were still so many things I wanted to do! I'm still like that. my mind runs dangerously fast and long compared to my energy levels.

one thing tho, I used to be really good at keeping up with my room...yeah. that doesn't happen anymore. Maybe I'm becoming too lax in certain areas??


I don't make new years resolutions bc they never end up coming into play bc LOL life happens (aka God does). If I had set massive goals in the way of what He had planned, I firmly believe I would have tried to juggle both, messing everything up in every way possible. 

SAY NO TO STRESS. TO OVER COMMITTING. TO GIVING UP FROM THE LACK OF AIR WHEN FRIEND. YOU GOT THIS. 

always push yourself to be better, to achieve the most of the moment you've been blessed with, but never push yourself off the cliff of insanity (can you tell what I've been reading??..), never achieve the satisfaction of giving up before failing. 

IT WASN'T A WASTE OF TIME IF YOU LEARNED SOMETHING   

Don't take these words and say "OH JULIA IS TELLING ME TO BE LAZY." no. It's much different.
I want you to be able to use every second of your life to the absolute max without the constant anxiety and stress of the unaccomplished list you carry with 24/7.

Maybe you don't need to say NO to the things people ask you to do but more to the stress you think you have to live with.

- detach from what destroys you. 

thanks for being a bunch of brave souls. xxxxxx

do you find it hard to say no????? 
how do you handle the stress of school + life??

BLOG DESIGN UPDATE + why I've thought I should stop blogging

January 10, 2018

k guys. notice anything different around here? YUP. I CHANGED MY TEMPLATE. thoughts?!?!??! gotta admit I got semi emotional before I changed my design from my old one like I always do, but OH YES I realllllllly am pleased with how it turned out. THX SARAH FOR HELPING ME + BRAINSTORMING SESSIONS

tbh this month has been the first time in a long time that I've actually considered quitting blogging. I always come concerned that I'll turn into a fake human, all about impressing others to get their approval. which I guess will be there no matter what I do.. back in April of 2017 (WOAH SO LONG AGO RIGHT LOL) I wrote a draft post about my feelings on this topic. it got really lengthy and after I finished it, I decided to make some changes in my blogging style, but not publish the post. here are a few excerpts to explain.

There is a thing called your love language - kinda similar to the personality type quiz thing - this is where you answer a bunch of questions to see if they can pin point your 4 love languages. Big shocker for me, my top one was "WORDS OF AFFIRMATION."
and bro let me tell you YES THIS IS SO.
It has always been a little something in the back of my mind. A little pat on my ego - that comments will flow, that my blog is near popular. I remind myself over and over again that no this isn't how it should be. I would refocus and shake myself out of that mindset.
cuz this blog -- this life -- isn't supposed to be about me.

but I'm human. and I fail.  A LOT. 

The fact is, the blogging world isn't much different than the real one around me. There is still peer pressure, the cool and trendy things, aesthetic to achieve...let's face it, someone is always doing better, hitting that mark that you wish you could just briefly touch. And I don't want to be like that for someone else or deal with that pressure from others myself

like I wish community could srsly just be community.

My goal has always been friendship. I love that I'm able to write these things and know what those said friends read them from all over the world. I just don't love the inevitable jealously and constant beatings that we give ourselves bc our blogs aren't up to the standards that we think we have to be at. Instagram is the same way, but worse.

followers. likes. thumbs up. comments. those numbers matter to bloggers, youtubers, instagrammers, etc. it beats a person down.


I guess I'm just telling you to ignore everything you think about every single social media human and know that


  • they struggle to be aesthetic (also I'm not even close so lol)
  • BLOGGERS BLOCK IS REAL FOR EVERYONE
  • finding our original ideas are best but it sure isn't easy
  • posts are NEVER flawless. I cannot even come near to all my typos and grammar errors. xD
  • we are mainly introverts making a small effort to seem extroverted and put together when we usually write posts weeks after the photos were taken and are laying in bed while sick (aka me) 

the plain truth is humans are a jealous people. I see it in myself. jsyk, we don't have to be like this tho. Personally I find that silent jabs are worse than the ones straight to your face..mainly bc its way more shocking from the ones you thought were your friends. 

I'm sure I am not the only one who has dealt with these feelings before. there might be a point when I do quit blogging..not sure what the reason will turn out to be, but I'm just being honest. 

btw, how do you feel about the blog posts going live on Wednesdays now??? 

I am going to close this post for now.......I'd love to hear your thoughts on this + a personal story of how you've struggled to keep going throughout the pressure 

CHRISTMAS PHOTO DUMP + hello 2018 + i always fail reading challenges / STARTING THE NEW

January 3, 2018

last night the clock stuck twelve and well. that officially ended lovely 2017 and started 2018. I stubbed my toe 15 minutes later....
am trying to not worry about that. lol

WHATS UP IN LIFE 

work is going really really good. I'm dropping less things which is a massive plus. i wrote this post to end the old year + start the new.   ITS JUST WAYYYYY TOO COLD OUTSIDE. -16 at one point. legit. -16 should be illegal. *tries not to think about the temperatures you guys are facing*  I ordered two copies of my own poetry book just cuz. am getting the itch to edit and/or write more. set my official new book goal for 2018 for 70 books (cuz I did 63 last year (woah 2017 is last year guys)). btw I failed my 2017 reading challenge...also didn't meet my book count goal. blah. am in a week long process of deeply cleaning my room. walked a little over 12,000 steps last Saturday. also I am off sugar on all weekdays this month. THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. also desperately need to get my phone charger that is still. at. my. farmer boss's. house.



WHAT'S GOING ON IN JANUARY 

well, this weekend I'm going away to a college retreat. ITS GONNA BE SO COLD IDK HOW IMMA GONNA HANDLE IT. but legit it sounds like so much fun. big inner tubes to go sledding in. ice skating. warm food. singing at chapel. *all the love* 

HOPING HOPING HOPING to make it thru winter. let's admit it. the holidays are over and now we have reached the mixture of relief and sadness.

WORK. like every single day. (also my tbr list is grrrooowwwwing. I'm trying to keep up with myself and my wandering eye LOL)

WHAT I WANNA DO 

like I said, I wanna start editing my book. or start plotting a new one. I'm determined to do camp nano once April rolls around, so I really gotta get my thoughts rolling. also shhhhhhhh but I might just gather all my poems for volume ii ???? THOUGHTS?

clean my car/organize it. (the problem is the sub-zero temps mean running from car to house just so you can breathe. *sigh*)

also I'd love to randomly find a $100 bill. I mean. HELLO YES HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE (well......not for the person who lost it. fine. nm)


GET RID OF ALLLLLLLLL THE JUNK. apparently I'm a trinket person. I shrunk my book collection from 220 to 170ish. I thought I had a lot of books until I heard one of my book pals just hit 1,000 (YA KNOW WHO YOU ARE BROOO) then I realized how small my collection was. also. I think I'm becoming a minimalist? I've been slowly re-doing my bedroom (since like July. uhg.) THOUGHTS ON A BEDROOM TOUR??????? ?????? ? LEMME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS.

guess I'll close this post for now. btw little message for my friend who I have internet snowball fights with, I finally mailed out your Christmas gift today. (shh. lets call it a new year gift. XD) 

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL. 2018 is bound to be grand. 


name 5 things you wanna do this month 
what are you reading rn??????