BLOG DESIGN UPDATE + why I've thought I should stop blogging

January 10, 2018

k guys. notice anything different around here? YUP. I CHANGED MY TEMPLATE. thoughts?!?!??! gotta admit I got semi emotional before I changed my design from my old one like I always do, but OH YES I realllllllly am pleased with how it turned out. THX SARAH FOR HELPING ME + BRAINSTORMING SESSIONS

tbh this month has been the first time in a long time that I've actually considered quitting blogging. I always come concerned that I'll turn into a fake human, all about impressing others to get their approval. which I guess will be there no matter what I do.. back in April of 2017 (WOAH SO LONG AGO RIGHT LOL) I wrote a draft post about my feelings on this topic. it got really lengthy and after I finished it, I decided to make some changes in my blogging style, but not publish the post. here are a few excerpts to explain.

There is a thing called your love language - kinda similar to the personality type quiz thing - this is where you answer a bunch of questions to see if they can pin point your 4 love languages. Big shocker for me, my top one was "WORDS OF AFFIRMATION."
and bro let me tell you YES THIS IS SO.
It has always been a little something in the back of my mind. A little pat on my ego - that comments will flow, that my blog is near popular. I remind myself over and over again that no this isn't how it should be. I would refocus and shake myself out of that mindset.
cuz this blog -- this life -- isn't supposed to be about me.

but I'm human. and I fail.  A LOT. 

The fact is, the blogging world isn't much different than the real one around me. There is still peer pressure, the cool and trendy things, aesthetic to achieve...let's face it, someone is always doing better, hitting that mark that you wish you could just briefly touch. And I don't want to be like that for someone else or deal with that pressure from others myself

like I wish community could srsly just be community.

My goal has always been friendship. I love that I'm able to write these things and know what those said friends read them from all over the world. I just don't love the inevitable jealously and constant beatings that we give ourselves bc our blogs aren't up to the standards that we think we have to be at. Instagram is the same way, but worse.

followers. likes. thumbs up. comments. those numbers matter to bloggers, youtubers, instagrammers, etc. it beats a person down.

I guess I'm just telling you to ignore everything you think about every single social media human and know that

  • they struggle to be aesthetic (also I'm not even close so lol)
  • finding our original ideas are best but it sure isn't easy
  • posts are NEVER flawless. I cannot even come near to all my typos and grammar errors. xD
  • we are mainly introverts making a small effort to seem extroverted and put together when we usually write posts weeks after the photos were taken and are laying in bed while sick (aka me) 

the plain truth is humans are a jealous people. I see it in myself. jsyk, we don't have to be like this tho. Personally I find that silent jabs are worse than the ones straight to your face..mainly bc its way more shocking from the ones you thought were your friends. 

I'm sure I am not the only one who has dealt with these feelings before. there might be a point when I do quit blogging..not sure what the reason will turn out to be, but I'm just being honest. 

btw, how do you feel about the blog posts going live on Wednesdays now??? 

I am going to close this post for now.......I'd love to hear your thoughts on this + a personal story of how you've struggled to keep going throughout the pressure 

CHRISTMAS PHOTO DUMP + hello 2018 + i always fail reading challenges / STARTING THE NEW

January 3, 2018

last night the clock stuck twelve and well. that officially ended lovely 2017 and started 2018. I stubbed my toe 15 minutes later....
am trying to not worry about that. lol


work is going really really good. I'm dropping less things which is a massive plus. i wrote this post to end the old year + start the new.   ITS JUST WAYYYYY TOO COLD OUTSIDE. -16 at one point. legit. -16 should be illegal. *tries not to think about the temperatures you guys are facing*  I ordered two copies of my own poetry book just cuz. am getting the itch to edit and/or write more. set my official new book goal for 2018 for 70 books (cuz I did 63 last year (woah 2017 is last year guys)). btw I failed my 2017 reading challenge...also didn't meet my book count goal. blah. am in a week long process of deeply cleaning my room. walked a little over 12,000 steps last Saturday. also I am off sugar on all weekdays this month. THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. also desperately need to get my phone charger that is still. at. my. farmer boss's. house.


well, this weekend I'm going away to a college retreat. ITS GONNA BE SO COLD IDK HOW IMMA GONNA HANDLE IT. but legit it sounds like so much fun. big inner tubes to go sledding in. ice skating. warm food. singing at chapel. *all the love* 

HOPING HOPING HOPING to make it thru winter. let's admit it. the holidays are over and now we have reached the mixture of relief and sadness.

WORK. like every single day. (also my tbr list is grrrooowwwwing. I'm trying to keep up with myself and my wandering eye LOL)


like I said, I wanna start editing my book. or start plotting a new one. I'm determined to do camp nano once April rolls around, so I really gotta get my thoughts rolling. also shhhhhhhh but I might just gather all my poems for volume ii ???? THOUGHTS?

clean my car/organize it. (the problem is the sub-zero temps mean running from car to house just so you can breathe. *sigh*)

also I'd love to randomly find a $100 bill. I mean. HELLO YES HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE (well......not for the person who lost it. fine. nm)

GET RID OF ALLLLLLLLL THE JUNK. apparently I'm a trinket person. I shrunk my book collection from 220 to 170ish. I thought I had a lot of books until I heard one of my book pals just hit 1,000 (YA KNOW WHO YOU ARE BROOO) then I realized how small my collection was. also. I think I'm becoming a minimalist? I've been slowly re-doing my bedroom (since like July. uhg.) THOUGHTS ON A BEDROOM TOUR??????? ?????? ? LEMME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS.

guess I'll close this post for now. btw little message for my friend who I have internet snowball fights with, I finally mailed out your Christmas gift today. (shh. lets call it a new year gift. XD) 

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL. 2018 is bound to be grand. 

name 5 things you wanna do this month 
what are you reading rn??????