a letter because i miss you all

November 9, 2018
hey all. I miss you.

It snowed here for the first time today. We are listening to Christmas music and I made apple sauce.  I work 3 Saturdays this month and school is going well. I did my first presentation yesterday and I was so nervous. I thought about you guys when I stood front of the class. I told myself that I want to motivate and speak like I was writing a blogpost.  I don't know my grade yet. I have almost all of my Christmas shopping done.  Wilson really needs a car wash...also to be cleaned on the inside lol.  Went to Shake n Steak for dinner tonight. They took forever to give me my food and then when they did I spilled mustard on my new shirt lololol.  no worries, it came out.  Josh Wilson has new music out and For King and Country has stolen my every heart beat with "Burn the Ships." I feel like 2018 flew by so fast. I told my Farm Boss that I'm probably not coming back next year..that was hard. My journal is filling up like mad. I dip my plain potato chips in ketchup and was told that is weird. is it? Hobby Lobby has so much amazing stuff. spend two hours there whoops. my family is awesome and my friends are too and God is amazing.

guys. i saw the words UNCONDITIONAL LOVE today and about cried. we live daily because of a God and Savior who understands those words. will I ever? idk. but thank you Jesus.

write me a letter too please xx tell me, what's new? what are you seeing and feeling? how is Jesus been showing you His unconditional love lately?

story behind "LIFE CAN BE ROUGH"

October 26, 2018

when a brick wall gets thrown in your face
and you are left staggering, crying out for aid,
you’re not the only one. 

we think pain seeks us out separately, 
breaking you down, breaking your soul. 
but truly, you’re not the only one unable to move.

you are not the only one who feels like you’re bleeding to death 
with only a band aid in your hand.
fragile friend, wrap your brokenness in a blanket 
and tell yourself it’ll all be a-okay for,
the shattered pieces are strongest together.


once again, another piece I wrote for myself because I seriously ran head first into a brick wall that I did not see at all.  I was blinded by a deep pain that I had been shoving off for a long, long time.  Truthfully, my heart was bleeding to death and it didn't even feel like I had a band aid in my hand.  okay, I'll go back a little and explain. 

The past year has brought a lot of new and wonderful things.  But also, a lot of new and stressful things.  I'm learning lots, which I'm grateful for.. but in the same time, I've taken on a lot. It's all for a goal but these past few months started to choke me. and, well, I was staggering about and hadn't quite called out for aid yet.  My mom noticed the emptiness in my eyes and offered a listening ear, which I'll never be more grateful for. [mom. you're the best]

and then, I cried out to God and asked Him to help me to smile again.  is this silly?  it can't be.  in my poem I repeated over and over that "you are not alone. you are not alone." 

Happiness is a choice.  I thought for some time that I was just born with it, and while that may be the case, it's also something you can lose.  I did lose it for sometime.  It would show up every once in while, but then I'd feel that strange falseness and I wondered what had changed. 

I had. 
My situations had. 
Where I was on a daily basis had. 
My life had changed.  

So my focus had to as well.  I had to remind myself to smile and tell myself that it was a wonderful day. a lot of prayer time and Bible time. when people asked me "how is your day?" I would say "awesome!" and then I'd get a tilt of the head and "why...  why is is awesome?" Sometimes I had a reply and others I would just grin and shrug,  because the answer would have been "because I decided it was.."

I am feeling so much better. [how are you?]

p.s tomorrow is my blogs 5th birthday. wow huh? 


October 17, 2018

for a super long time I have wanted to update my desk in my bedroom.  it's a very small space but I love it soooooooooo much.  It's changed so much over the past years lol (lets just say when it was my sister's when she was 8, it was hot pink..) and since it is small, I'm constantly on the search for space saving ideas.

AND HERE COMES THE DESK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD

can you say I'm excited? I sure think so.  I went shopping with friends and we stopped in an antique shop and this girl is like "so the farm house stuff is this way, candles over there, this is the dog and there is barn wood in the basement."
yeah. I basically ran to that basement and returned with 4 boards that were promptly shoved into Wilson. which then the next day were sanded and screwed together and glossed. and then the next day hung up on my wall.

I. am. in. love.  

Next time I do a DIY project like this I promise to film myself because I really always forget to do that lol but my room feels so much bigger and SEE THE MIRROR ON MY WALL? Yup found that at goodwill for $9. also in love <3

Let's just say homework is partly enjoyable now (only partly >.< I'm not that ill)

any questions? would you build yourself a desk? 

(p.s. went to the dentist today and the hygienist that I've known since I was 5 years old thought my brother was a special guy friend because he opened the door for me and is so tall. that is a first lolol I do not think it's the last tho xD)