story behind "LIFE CAN BE ROUGH"

October 26, 2018

when a brick wall gets thrown in your face
and you are left staggering, crying out for aid,
you’re not the only one. 

we think pain seeks us out separately, 
breaking you down, breaking your soul. 
but truly, you’re not the only one unable to move.

you are not the only one who feels like you’re bleeding to death 
with only a band aid in your hand.
fragile friend, wrap your brokenness in a blanket 
and tell yourself it’ll all be a-okay for,
the shattered pieces are strongest together.

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once again, another piece I wrote for myself because I seriously ran head first into a brick wall that I did not see at all.  I was blinded by a deep pain that I had been shoving off for a long, long time.  Truthfully, my heart was bleeding to death and it didn't even feel like I had a band aid in my hand.  okay, I'll go back a little and explain. 

The past year has brought a lot of new and wonderful things.  But also, a lot of new and stressful things.  I'm learning lots, which I'm grateful for.. but in the same time, I've taken on a lot. It's all for a goal but these past few months started to choke me. and, well, I was staggering about and hadn't quite called out for aid yet.  My mom noticed the emptiness in my eyes and offered a listening ear, which I'll never be more grateful for. [mom. you're the best]

and then, I cried out to God and asked Him to help me to smile again.  is this silly?  it can't be.  in my poem I repeated over and over that "you are not alone. you are not alone." 

Happiness is a choice.  I thought for some time that I was just born with it, and while that may be the case, it's also something you can lose.  I did lose it for sometime.  It would show up every once in while, but then I'd feel that strange falseness and I wondered what had changed. 

I had. 
My situations had. 
Where I was on a daily basis had. 
My life had changed.  

So my focus had to as well.  I had to remind myself to smile and tell myself that it was a wonderful day. a lot of prayer time and Bible time. when people asked me "how is your day?" I would say "awesome!" and then I'd get a tilt of the head and "why...  why is is awesome?" Sometimes I had a reply and others I would just grin and shrug,  because the answer would have been "because I decided it was.."

I am feeling so much better. [how are you?]

p.s tomorrow is my blogs 5th birthday. wow huh? 

4 comments:

  1. Wow! I totally relate! Thanks, I needed to read this! <3
    -Brooklyne

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  2. wow. i hardcore can relate to the happiness is a choice paragraph <3

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  3. this is so true. life is very hard sometimes but even when it is we dont have to dwell on the negatives, which i need to work on. no ones alone <33

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