if I were to say I am good at one thing, it would be taking on too much. I am perfectly capable to achieve more and more, and I'm willing to stretch myself to constantly do, but I've stretched myself too thin. You may of noticed that I didn't post on Wednesday. I truly couldn't. My plate is piled high and wide and is toppling over. Between my works, college classes (and having to re-write my ENTIRE paper super last minute), and trying to soak in every last minute of summer, I had to say no to writing a post and it hurt.
this blog is a safe spot for me. I am comfortable sharing what is hurting me, what I'm learning, a message that I felt I could be open about...and losing that would deeply injure me. You see, I had a mini breakdown on Thursday because I just couldn't anymore. My super duper close friend told me to write about this because I'm not the only one who feels this way she said. I truthfully didn't think that way, but in a sense, it felt like that.
college is hard. life is hard. paying $3.10 per gallon of gas is hard. looking for another part time job is hard. getting rough peer reviewing responses on your paper is hard. looking at yourself in the mirror and wondering who you are becoming is the hardest of all.
My mom had a really good conversation with me because lolol she knows me best. She could tell that I have been shutting down. Getting my HAVE TO list done and internally dying because my creativity levels are zero and the smiles are becoming harder to give. A speaker in my class said "wow you guys are all just giving me a bunch of blank stares!" and we honestly didn't respond any differently to that. WE ARE ALL JUST SO TIRED.
the pressure to succeed is intense. the pressure to be the only you in intense. the pressure to follow your passion or not because that's just emotion that will change. LIKE IDK ANYMORE.
so if you're walking around feeling rather lost and broken, that isn't insanity or something. you just need to thrust yourself into company with people who honestly care about you and are willing to help you refocus...less on yourself and more on God.
Busy isn't bad, but losing yourself in that busyness is.
btw, I stayed up until 2 am talking to my mom on Thursday night. Then, I took Friday off of work and went to a corn maze with friends. I bought wood and am building my own desk. I feel a lot more like me. and now, I'm off to start building my gratitude wall. more on those two things later xxx
p.s. do you relate?
Girl, I feel ya. And this post... *cries* Just know you're not alone. *hugs* <333
ReplyDelete*hugs you forever* thank you thank you thank you <3 I'm so glad these words were helpful for you because they were helpful for me to write them down!
DeleteOh my goodness, yes, I can relate! I remember two separate specific times in college that I had serious breakdowns from the stress of taking on too much. And you know what? Moms are the best and they look out for you and give the best advice for when you overextend yourself. I'm so glad you got to take time to do fun things on Friday! It gets better. And though sometimes for a season it's tough to balance creative pursuits with college, it's just that - a season. And it will pass. <3
ReplyDeleteaw my dear Erin, I'm sorry!!! BUT I GET U. It's amazing how often you say "uhm sure i can do that....too." but I DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN. I love staying busy but overextending is a real thing. Aren't moms just the best???! oh wow. thank you for that...in a way, I felt like I was going to lose my creativity itch that I really enjoyed. but you're right. this is a season. thank you for the encouragement <3
DeleteI genuinely think this may be the most relatable post you have ever written.
ReplyDeleteI have been STRUGGLING through this for so long, this semester in particular. It's so hard. Like....I just want to quote this whole thing because you put all of the stress and pressure into words.
Keep, fighting, girl. We can do this.
wow, grace anne, i don't have words.
DeleteSTRUGGLE is the word. goodness, THE word. it's harder and harder every day to fight and I understand that because I FEEL IT. quote it. share it. do whatever you want because I want people to understand that someone understands x
YUS. WE CAN. <3
Oh my. JULIA. Seriously. This is so totally relatable!!! IDK why your posts are so RELATABLE?!?! Anyway, thanks so much girlie... you're awesome!!
ReplyDeleteDANIELLE. thank you so much for commenting and letting me know that you relate. seriously, that makes me feel sooo much better xxx LOL IDK XD noo, you're awesome!! <3
DeleteJulia (hugs you through the internet).
ReplyDeleteThis right here is literally why you are my favorite blogger. You are hilarious and live life to the full... and you are thoughtful and vulnerably real.
I definitely noticed you didn't post on Wednesday, and I thought "wow, she's insanely busy if she missed". And then I saw your blog post pop up today, and I knew what it was going to be about right away. That title, missing last week's post... BUT, I love that your Mama had the wisdom to pull you back. And I'm glad you had the wisdom to listen to her, and to rest and refresh and prepare and regroup. The have to list can be brutal. But sometimes, adding more work (like the desk) can be the only thing that breaks that mindset of "everything that has to be done before anything else that could be done", even when it would help you so much to just focus on something else! I hit that point often - and I don't feel like I'm half as busy as you always seem to be! I'm learning to recognize it and take a breath and decide, does it have to be done now? Or should I take a break so I can work better later? And it doesn't take much to make a big difference!
Love ya, Ju! <3 I hope this next week is full of a balance to your work and spontaneity that will be refreshing after the past little bit!
Yes. There are so many brick walls thrown in our way sometimes, and each time we hit one it feels like we’ve nosedived into a crisis. Keep your chin up, k? I promise it’ll get better.
ReplyDeleteBRICK WALLS. ohhhman I've never thought of it that way and now I'm gonna write a poem with that XD thank you Chloe <3 ur the best
DeleteWow! You hit the nail on the head here, thanks so much for sharing this! Yes, I can relate! And I haven't even done anything like college!
ReplyDeleteRemember that God's got your back, YOU CAN DO THIS! <3
Praying for you, Julia.
-Brooklyne
Wow, really? I'm glad it all made sense because I don't edit my blogposts LOLOLOL
Delete*sobs* thank youuuu <3
RELATE RELATE RELATE!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd also, I hope that you feel less overwhelmed soon!! That's never fun.
Aw thank you!! you're right, it's not. But it is a learning time!
DeleteI relate. xxx
ReplyDeletelol I'm glad but I'm not ;)
DeleteThis was so good! So comforting to know I'm not alone. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteyou are never, ever, alone <3
DeleteGirl, I feel you! I hope you're able to find peace in the busyness and overwhelm. I'm looking forward to hearing about your projects, and your outfit is so cute! Sending hugs! xx
ReplyDeleteI'm working on finding it.. I think that sounds wrong, but I'm working at it. <3 eep! Thanks! hopefully I'll get some time to do a post XD you're precious Jessica xxx
DeleteI can't believe I'm only just reading this! :( "looking at yourself in the mirror and wondering who you are becoming is the hardest of all." yes, truly. Thanks for being so honest--that's where all the light can get through. And friend, you're simply shining!
ReplyDeletedude no worries!! you're not that late XD honesty is the only way I can write I promise...and thank YOU <3
DeleteThis is the realest post I've read in a long time :') Thank you, I have been feeling the exact same way recently, with everything piling up and not having time to do the things I love to do. This was inspiring to me <3
ReplyDelete