WHO ARE WE DOING THINGS FOR ??

humans are people pleasers. at least, I know I tend to be. I always wonder how my actions might impacts those around me. sometimes that is good and others it becomes a road block for me. I want to be dependable. I want to be available as much as possible. I want people to look at me and go "yup. She can do it"

aka I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DO EVERYTHING

now, I'm not a perfectionist. (I don't have patience for that lol) BUT i do dearly wish to have a long list of accomplished skills. which I don't think is a bad thing. I've always been encouraged to try something new. I was just talking to my mom + dad about taking more work hours on each week and my mom was like "you can do it." so I'm gonna try bc lol I'd rather try than not.

here is where I started thinking and wondering lol

WHAT AM I DOING THESE THINGS FOR. bc the money I'm making is paying for the car insurance and gas money and phone bill and all those grown up things + savings. There are moments when I wonder why I'm even exhausting myself for dollar bills and something with 4 wheels you know? Maybe I just see things differently. I totally see the worth in working + am UTTERLY blessed. I can't thank God enough for my jobs. if anything, this question has made me think less of the daily work shift income to more of the daily life WHAT AM I DOING THESE THINGS FOR? (i.e everything)

I truly want to be able to say that every moment I do is for God, but I don't think I can...which is a strange awakening. Lately I've been listening to Different by Micah Tyler like....lol lots a times in one day. Its exactly how I'm feeling rn.

I don't need to recognize, the man in the mirror
And I don't wanna trade Your plan, for something familiar
I can't waste a day, I can't stay the same

I wanna be different
I wanna be changed
'Til all of me is gone
And all that remains
Is a fire so bright
The whole world can see
That there's something different
So come and be different
In me

idk. it's just exactly what I'm praying for. it's not easy and it certainly doesn't come without some bending and learning. but dude its something I'm fighting for.

p.s. it's april 4th and its snowing.......................i'm not thrilled lol
p.p.s GO ALL YOU NANOERS (if that isn't a word it is now....) I haven't even started on my goal o.o

can you relate to this post??
one song with deep meaning for you rn?