April 4, 2018

humans are people pleasers. at least, I know I tend to be. I always wonder how my actions might impacts those around me. sometimes that is good and others it becomes a road block for me. I want to be dependable. I want to be available as much as possible. I want people to look at me and go "yup. She can do it"


now, I'm not a perfectionist. (I don't have patience for that lol) BUT i do dearly wish to have a long list of accomplished skills. which I don't think is a bad thing. I've always been encouraged to try something new. I was just talking to my mom + dad about taking more work hours on each week and my mom was like "you can do it." so I'm gonna try bc lol I'd rather try than not.

here is where I started thinking and wondering lol

WHAT AM I DOING THESE THINGS FOR. bc the money I'm making is paying for the car insurance and gas money and phone bill and all those grown up things + savings. There are moments when I wonder why I'm even exhausting myself for dollar bills and something with 4 wheels you know? Maybe I just see things differently. I totally see the worth in working + am UTTERLY blessed. I can't thank God enough for my jobs. if anything, this question has made me think less of the daily work shift income to more of the daily life WHAT AM I DOING THESE THINGS FOR? (i.e everything)

I truly want to be able to say that every moment I do is for God, but I don't think I can...which is a strange awakening. Lately I've been listening to Different by Micah Tyler like....lol lots a times in one day. Its exactly how I'm feeling rn.

I don't need to recognize, the man in the mirror
And I don't wanna trade Your plan, for something familiar
I can't waste a day, I can't stay the same

I wanna be different
I wanna be changed
'Til all of me is gone
And all that remains
Is a fire so bright
The whole world can see
That there's something different
So come and be different
In me

idk. it's just exactly what I'm praying for. it's not easy and it certainly doesn't come without some bending and learning. but dude its something I'm fighting for.

p.s. it's april 4th and its snowing.......................i'm not thrilled lol
p.p.s GO ALL YOU NANOERS (if that isn't a word it is now....) I haven't even started on my goal o.o

can you relate to this post??
one song with deep meaning for you rn? 


  1. I can so relate!!!! Loved this!

    For myself I feel it’s easy to become distracted by ALL the things life throws at us. I I have to ask myself Am I doing this for God or Me?!? Like honestly ! but I think part of the process is recognizing our weeknesses. Does that make sense?
    My jam recently has been ‘Live it well’ by Switchfoot. XD

      woah, yes, I get you beyond belief. SOOO MANY DISTRACTIONS IN THIS LIFE WOW. hmmm I want to think about that more..but I think it makes sense lol. I need more sleep.
      i'm totally gonna make a playlist with all of the songs now!!

  3. This was beautiful and it's something I definitely relate to right now. Especially right now. One song with deep meaning, a song that pretty much describes my life rn is Can't Live Without by Hollyn.

    Wonderful post. Thank you. <3

    1. awwww I get you Ivie. xx I really want to listen to that song now, thank you for sharing it!!


  4. ok that second paragraph is soooooo me. So yes,I can relate ;) I've been listening to Love you with the Truth, have you heard it?
    Beautiful pic too <33

    1. *high fives* so glad you can relate! I haven't heard that song before! I totally will be now tho <3
      thanks friend

  5. So true! I'm currently finishing up high school and getting ready to go to college and like, why?? I know why I want to do what I want to do, but is it really worth it??

    Also, this is me: 'I want to be dependable. I want to be available as much as possible. I want people to look at me and go "yup. She can do it"'

    1. hmmm yes, I get you. I felt much different after graduating high school tho. I DIDN'T know what I wanted to go to college for, so I held off for the time being. I think I know now tho XD

      *high fives you cuz you understand*

  6. Yes, I can definitely relate! One song that has quite deep meaning for me is the song "God Help Me" by Plumb. I just find the words of the chorus so beautiful, meaningful, and exactly what I'm feeling right now. (Also it's kinda really fun to sing. :D)

    1. SAME GIRL SAME! I've been listening to that song waaaaaaaaaaay often. I agree - it's really great to sing. I love listening to it when I do my workout

  7. So much yes! I've been thinking about this a lot lately, too.

    1. I actually think a conversation I had with you inspired this post so?? XD

  8. Ah, I relate. I was just thinking today about ways I live to please people - areas I hadn't thought about before. And same, living every single moment for God is hard! I guess it's only in Him we'll be able to experience that. I like those lyrics. I'll have to check out the song. :) 'Live Like That' by Sidewalk Prophets has been inspiring me lately, and 'At the Table' by Josh Garrells, and 'Faith Child' by the Kirkland family gave also been on repeat. My music taste is so varied, haha. Keep fighting, girl! He makes everything worth it. xx

    1. wow, you have no idea how much I appreciate your words. and the fact you understand, not judge. thank you <3 Also thanks for listing all those songs! I've been listening to a lot of music lately so I'm super excited to try some new ones.
      YES. truth xx

  9. YASSS GIRL. Man....your posts are always pure gold. *sighhh* They make me so happyyyy <3333


  10. Oh, wow. So can relate!
    I've always had a problem with pleasing people, and lately I have been stressed, trying to find more work, because I need to made more money, bla, blah. I often have to ask myself, 'Why do I need more money?' and to remind myself to keep things in their proper place. <3
    A song that has been really close to me lately, would be "In His Time".
    I don't have a certain singer who sings it, because I grew up hearing it by family members, and at church.
    But it's lyrics are something I really have to remind myself at times.
    "In His time, He makes all things beautiful in His time. Lord, please show me everyday, as You're teaching me Your way, that You do just what You say, in Your time."
    Also, 'One Day at a Time'.
    That's a prayer I have to utter everyday.
    "One day at a time, sweet Jesus. That's all I'm asking from You. Just give mt the strength to do everyday, what I have to do. Yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus, and tomorrow may never be mine. Lord, help me today, show me the way, one day at a time."
    Music has always been important to me, and I have so many meaningful songs, so we could be here all day. *wink*

    1. wow you CAN relate!!! yes, everything does have to be in its proper place.. and growing up I guess it's a very good thing to learn. I don't want to struggle with the same thing forever lol
      and wow
      thank you for all those precious words
      AND LOL SAME!! we could have a jam session lemme know when


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