LEARNING HOW TO EMBRACE THE PAIN IN CHANGE

I've been a bit nostalgic lately. I often get this way once the seasons start to shift...so I start to think back to this time last year and remember what I was thinking and feeling before I was here now. Sometimes that can be painful, but as I've been learning, it is good too. This time last year, I hadn't become as strong of a person I am now, hadn't lost as much to realize the worth in it all, but most importantly, I wasn't the Julia I am at this second. Seasons shift and people do, but learning how to let go of what you've called normal for soooo long, is not easy.

I've been the person who said again and again "I AM NOT GROWING UP.  I REFUSE TO CHANGE. NO NO NO NO NO" and while I thought saying those things might help, I realized my anthem was wrong. In a way, I was shouting for no responsibility, which I've found is not me. In a way, I crave responsibility. I like proving that I can work hard and meet goals.

I've finally sifted it out and have found what I was screaming that whole while was, I was scared to lose my childishness, that in some sorted way, I was going to be asked to give up being me. That hasn't happened and I can proudly say that through all the "adulting" I do, I still have time to play and stay creative.

change will always be scary (still is for me). wrap yourself around people who will be willing to say YOU'VE GOT THIS and then promise to do the same thing in return for them. never ever say "i can't" because that's when you'll stop growing, when change will break you, and when you can no longer say "looking back..that change was good." because you didn't embrace it.

kid. YOU'VE GOT THIS.

p.s read this poem i wrote last year on these exact feelings *points down*

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listen close, my wonderful friend

there is a secret which i must spill

it is a secret which i am still learning to realize but here it is nonetheless

the change has become normal

change which we dread

and fight

and detest

has. become. normal.

it isn't something you notice right way

but one day it hits you as you're driving along saying how beautiful it is

that's when you remember how hard you fought this beautiful bc you didn't know it would be beautiful

at least that's how it was for me

slow down. breathe. it's a new normal. and it'll be okay.

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